Vindicated
by Monkeywand
Summary: Song Fic. Lana's memories of her and Clark- both good and bad. Lana's POV.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the imagination I used to create this…  
**Song: Vindicated by Dashboard Confessionals  
Lana's memories of her and Clark, Lana's POV

**Vindicated**

I stare out the window into the abyss of unknown. My eyes glaze over and I look without really seeing. Music blasts through my head, helping me forget.

Hope, dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption  
Winding in and winding out  
The shine of it has caught my eye  
Roped me in so mesmerizing  
And so hypnotizing  
I am captivated  
I am...

My eyes close trying to block out the memories but they keep coming. Colorful reminders of my past…

**Flashback  
**_I hold out the birthday cake I brought for Clark. "Make a wish," I say. Clark looks at me, eyes unreadable.  
_"_I've been wishing for the same thing ever since I was 5," he says softly.  
_"_And now?" I ask.  
_"_And now I don't have to." He puts down the cake I'm still holding. "She's standing right here in front of me."  
_**End Flashback**

Vindicated  
I am selfish, I am wrong  
I am right, I swear I'm right  
Swear I knew it all along  
And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now  
The things you swore you saw yourself

**Flashback  
**"_So, um… any chance we could do something this weekend? You know, as friends?" I ask, standing on the steps below Clark.  
_"_Sure. What did you have in mind?" he replies smiling.  
_"_Well, it's been like an oven outside, so I was thinking we could go swimming at Crater Lake," I suggest.  
__Clark looks embarrassed. "I really don't think skinny-dipping is a good idea," he says, going red.  
I give him a strange look. "Who said anything about skinny-dipping?" I ask. I walk off laughing. "Maybe in your dreams, Clark."  
_**End Flashback**

So clear  
Like the diamond in your ring  
Cut to mirror your intention  
Oversized and overwhelmed  
The shine of which has caught my eye  
And rendered me so isolated  
So motivated, I am certain now  
That I am…

**Flashback  
**_I walk up the Kent's driveway to where Clark is waiting. "Do I look different to you now?" he asks concerned. I smile as I reply,  
_"_Clark, you look like the same handsome man I've always known." Clark looks upset.  
_"_Handsome as in I wanna spend the rest of my life with you or handsome I'm gonna let you down easy?" he asks. I smile and savor the moment.  
_"_As in yes Clark, I'll marry you." Clark looks relieved. He slips the ring I'm holding onto my finger then picks me up.  
_**End Flashback**

Vindicated  
I am selfish, I am wrong  
I am right, I swear I'm right  
Swear I knew it all along  
And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now  
The things you swore you saw yourself

With every memory, my eyes fill with tears, tracing an unknown pattern down my face.

**Flashback  
**"_You warned me there were things about you that I wouldn't understand. I guess I just didn't want to believe it," I say confused.  
"I was protecting you," Clark protests.  
"From what?" I snap. "That's the part I can't figure out because, Clark, the only thing that keeps hurting me is you," I accuse, tears running silently down my face.  
_**End Flashback**

So turn up the corners of your lips  
Part them and feel my finger tips  
Trace the moment, fall forever  
Defense is paper thin  
Just one touch and I'd be in too deep now  
To ever swim against the current

**Flashback  
**_I climb out of the pool and step closer to Clark. Water runs down my body leaving small puddle where I stand. "I know you want me Clark. Stop holding back. Come on. You want me to steal? All right," I say, seductively. I kiss him passionately on the lips.  
_"_Wait," Clark_ _stutters. I get annoyed.  
"Aren't you tired of waiting?" Clark stumbles on edge of pool. I laugh.  
_"_Need a little help warming up?" I ask, pushing him into the water_.  
**End Flashback**

So let me slip away, so let me slip away  
So let me slip away, so let me slip against the current  
So let me slip away, so let me slip away  
So let me slip away, so let me slip away

**Flashback  
**_Clark shakes his head at me. "It wasn't easy for me to see you with another guy," he says jealously. I sit down next to him.  
_"_Are you still sure you don't want to be that guy, Clark?" I ask seriously.  
_"_Lana…" I shake my head.  
_"_It's alright Clark. I just…I wanted to make sure before I told you this." Clark looks at me expectantly. I take a breath. "Even though my compass was way off with Seth, he still had the courage to be honest with me."  
_"_Then he used his abilities to manipulate you," Clark buts in.  
_"_I am not condoning what he did," I retort. "Believe me I'm paying for it." I smile. "Still felt good; caring for someone and having my feelings returned. I want that again."  
_"_I don't expect you to wait forever for me," Clark explains.  
_"_Good, because one of these days someone's gonna come along who is right for me and I'm gonna want to be with that person. And you're gonna have to deal with that," I point out angrily.  
_**End Flashback**

Vindicated  
I am selfish, I am wrong  
I am right, I swear I'm right  
Swear I knew it all along  
And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now  
The things you swore you saw yourself

**Flashback  
**"_Clark, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me," I say. Clark looks at me with sad eyes.  
_"_I don't love you." I stare at him shocked.  
_"_I have waited for you to grow up, to get over any hang-ups you may have," I state.  
_"_I never meant to hurt you," Clark starts.  
_"_I don't want another Clark Kent apology," I snap. I look at him with tears in my eyes. "It's over… Forever."  
_**End Flashback**

Like hope, dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption

The memories fade out into nothingness leaving me feeling empty. The music fades along with it and my mind becomes a void of blankness. My eyes let loose no more tears and I lay down, hoping that maybe one day I might have the courage to finally face the man I left behind.

* * *

Hope ya liked it!! BTW If any of the recounts (flashbacks) aren't correct, I'm sorry. Tell me and I'll see if I can fix it!!  
Monkeywand


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